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oh yahoo, why can’t I avoid having things I kind of use get purchased by you
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Little League baseball can eat my asshole.
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Congrats to my awesome wife Melissa who finished her first 5K today!
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Long day for Melissa today.
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I just don’t fucking understand little league. This is a picture of Jonah, wearing yellow. He is a normal sized child of nine. Next to him is a player on the team he just played today, who is somehow reported to be ten years old. Counter to your brain’s intuition, Jonah is not standing forty feet farther away than the so-called ten year-old.
So they got shellacked by this team from a nearby township. This township is notorious, I am told, for putting all its best players on one team, because it feels good to make other children feel bad. Jonah’s team lost 12-1, but the silver lining is that Jonah had his best offensive game of the year:
2-3 with two singles, three stolen bases and an RBI with one strikeout. That’s right, Jonah batted in our only run of the game. Whaaaaaaaaaaat.
Anyway little league is just bananas. Gotta say I do not look forward to the rest of the games we have to play against teams from this township, but I guess the rest of them won’t have so many giant “ten year-olds.” Supposedly.
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LOL THE HOME DEPOT GETS ME AND MY CULTURE
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Jesus Christ little league kid-pitch baseball is tough. Here’s Jonah’s line from last night’s game, another squeaker that they just barely lost 11-9:
0-3, 2K, 1GO
Rough night for Jonah. He’s officially batting below the Mendoza Line, which is OK since he managed to catch a fly ball to end the first inning out in left center field. It’s also OK because I love him.
The other team’s closer looked like I imagine Shane looked when he pitched in little league, which is like a completely cocky asshole. (BTW shane would love tips on how to make Jonah a good enough player to be a cocky asshole)
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Little league stat line from Jonah’s first three games of kid pitch:
1-3, 1B, 2K
0-2, 2K
0-1, GO, HBP, 2SB, 1R, 1WSo far his team is 0-2-1, but this morning they came back from a 7-0 deficit to lead 8-7 before their closer let in a run in the bottom of the 6th to tie it. Then he had a guy with a full count and two outs but gave up a double to left and that was it.
Jonah is one of the young kids so he gets stuck in the outfield a lot, or benched (they have 13 kids on the team). He still has fun though, except the HBP was not fun.
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OH MY DEAR SWEET JESUS IN HEAVEN LORD ALMIGHTY RAY ALLEN KNOWS A GUY WHO WAS HURT AT THE BOMBING AND HE’S EVEN BEEN THERE LIKE A FEW TIMES MAYBE ANYWAY BACK TO YOU CHET
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SPRING BREAK
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This snail must have been curled up on the bus window all day, head tucked into its shell, the wind howling outside its shell, afraid for so long but snails can’t fight fear or learn to overcome it, why would they, so it could only listen to the screaming wind outside its shell, a wind that must’ve felt it it had started aeons ago, a wind that oh wait it’s just gum, someone just stuck gum outside the window, call off the dumb prose, gross
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I’m at the NSA! I love codes!!
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With much grumbling on my part, and leaving the kids in the car with the motor running, we got this picture of Melissa in front of her favorite TV cakery. Bonus thanks to the guy in painter whites who told us to take the picture this way instead of from across the street like we did at first. Sad reality antikudos to me for not letting him take a picture of both of us because I was afraid he’d steal my phone.
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You know what else I won for being so great at guessing things? Pink pancake mix. They look gross but taste okay. Actually I don’t know how they taste because I haven’t eaten one yet. “What are you,” Jonah says, “allergic to pinkness?”
